Unexpected (Dirk Strider x Abused! Reader) 16

Unexpected (Dirk Strider x Abused! Reader) 16

"You're not thcared of him, (y/n). You like him."

..................

Sollux's words reverberated against the walls of your mind, echoing over and over again, as if hearing them once wasn't enough. Despite your mind and mouth's lack of response, your body had already taken matters into its own hands. You tensed up. Your cheeks flushed a bright red color that they had never adorned before. Your (h/c) eyebrows furrowed as you grew more flustered, opening and closing your mouth to deny it, to deny the words that mocked your very being... But somehow, even with the protest that you wanted to show, you just couldn't do it. Sollux smirked, seeing your reaction to his observation. He stretched, his grin growing wider.

"I knew it. You really do like him, don't you?" He spoke and it forced you to say something.

"N-No! Of course not, Sollux! W-What kind of person are you, huh? Saying s-such things.... I hardly even know him!!!" You denied, but it was too late. Sollux had seen your reaction and knew your true feelings. In fact, your denial only made the words more factual.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you thay, (y/n)." He teased, still smirking. Your face felt hot and you grew even more flustered with the fact that he clearly didn't believe you. You were honestly denying it more for yourself than you were for him. There was no way you liked Dirk. Not that way. Definitely not. However... You couldn't stop thinking about it. If it was true, then it explained practically everything. It explained why you were so nervous and cautious around him. It explained why it was almost unbearable to be near him, in a way that didn't make sense to you. It explained why he had managed to get close to you. It explained why you thought he was a problem. After everything that you had been through with William, the concept of being with someone else - Let alone being with Dirk - made you feel uneasy and uncomfortable. It was a risk that you didn't think that you were willing to take.

You thought back on all of the times when even coming into contact with Dirk made you feel nervous, but at the same time, it made you feel better. Even thinking about it felt foreign. Platonic feelings for Dirk? The idea was crazy... Insane, even. But it somehow fit the situation. It made so much sense, even though it was nearly unthinkable. You shook the thoughts out of your head, trying to calm yourself down. You wished for nothing more than the embarrassed blush on your face to leave. You stood up abruptly, gaining Sollux's attention. You looked down so he couldn't see the expression in your (e/c) eyes.

"....I can't like him. It's not possible... And it's wrong.... And it's just...." You struggled with your words, fear creeping it's way into your heart. You couldn't have feelings for him. You just couldn't. It was inconceivable. It was wrong of you, considering everything that just happened, to have feelings for someone so soon. It was impossible and it was wrong and.... Scary. It was your heart against your mind... Logic against emotions. And you wanted to believe logic. Your feelings had failed you before. Your feelings had let you down and caused you so much disappointment and pain. Logic was trustworthy. Logic was what kept you alive. 'No...' Your mind reminded you. 'Dirk is what kept me alive. I would be dead right now if it wasn't for him.' You recalled the whole situation and suddenly your head was pounding. So many thoughts and feelings were piling inside of you, competing for for your attention, for validity. Because of that, most of them weren't making any sense. Sollux sensed your troubled state.

"Hey.... (Y/n), it'th not wrong. You don't need to be thcared or afraid of him. If he wath trying to hurt you in thome way, he wouldn't have rithked his own life and gotten injured jutht for you to be living right now. If anything, I would exthpect him to return your feelingth." He tried reassuring you, but you shook your head, squeezing your (e/c) eyes shut. Your mind was spinning. No... Yes... No... Yes... It was making you feel light-headed even though you knew you were just fine. You couldn't say anything in response to what Sollux said. It was like your mouth was glued shut, your cheeks, no, your entire body on fire. You were trying to make sense of that which could not be made sense of, and it was only hurting you. So you didn't say anything to him at all. You whirled around and ran for your room, tears filling your eyes for some reason. 'What is wrong with me?' You thought. Before then you had been fine, just fine! 'Why did Sollux have to go and say that and make me all confused?!' You asked yourself, but of course, you knew why.

Clearly, it was true.

"(Y/n)!!!" You heard Sollux call your name, more worry and concern leaking into his tone, but you didn't answer. Nor did you dare to look back and risk looking weak, looking guilty.

You ran all the way upstairs to your room and shut the door, panting. With those three words, your body was reacting in the strangest of ways. "You like him." The words wouldn't go away and you groaned, cheeks burning as you turned around and pressed your back to the door, slowly sliding to the ground. You hugged your knees. You couldn't help but contemplate everything now. You couldn't help but think of how he calmed you, of how lately he had become your entire world. Dirk had become the reason you were alive, the reason that maybe, just maybe, you could have a bit of happiness. God knows where William went after he crawled away that night, but soon enough he would get what he deserved and you wouldn't have to worry about him anymore.

Suddenly, yet another thought was fighting its way to the surface of your mind. "We've scheduled the wedding to the day before your birthday, which is in two weeks!" Jade's bubbly voice sprang up from deep in your mind, reminding you of the event in which you first loathed the very idea of. The blush on your face grew. 'I never acted like this before....' You thought. Then again, before then you hadn't thought of Dirk like that. You thought you couldn't afford to. With William there was always a risk, always too much to give, always something you could do wrong. You were only scared for yourself and those around you. Only concerned with protecting. You never thought that there could be anything different from that before Dirk came into your life. He'd turned the world you thought you knew into something completely different. He'd turned it into hope. Something you had lost a long time ago.

It was so hard to trust. It was so hard to separate the truth from the lies, your feelings from logic. It was too much. You couldn't handle it. You cleared your mind of the invading thoughts and walked over to your bed, nearly exhausted. How? You don't even know. You had been so stressed out and now you were even more flustered and frustrated. Not only with yourself, but with Dirk. Maybe you did like him. You couldn't tell, and you weren't honestly sure if you wanted to find that out. You were scared of this new possibility. You didn't know anything good about relationships. How were you supposed to thank him now, with all of this running wild in your mind? You laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling. The blush wouldn't leave and you were restless, though exhausted. 'Enough!!!!' You thought in irritation. You couldn't keep doing this.

You needed answers and you were going to get them. You promised yourself that as soon as you woke up the next day, you would make your way down to the hospital and face your fears. You would face Dirk for the first time since he saved your life.